I've been bored with my usual go to the gym after work routine: get on the elliptical, lift weights concentrating on upper body one day and lower body the next. BORRRR-RING!!!! So this summer I set out to find some new exercise routines. First I tried a cross-training routine. It kicked my ass. It was fun and gave me the variety I needed, but I think it was a little much for my current fitness level. A few weeks ago, I went out on some trails while camping. It was soooo refreshing! I loved being out in the woods, just seeing nature. I actually turned down my iPod so I could listen to the sounds in the woods. I want to do more of this, it was something I needed.
This morning I decided to get up early and go for a run. I wasn't sure if I would actually do it, as anyone who knows me knows I am the complete opposite of morning person, but I did. I woke up at 5:30, had a glass of water, put on my running clothes and shoes, and hit the pavement. It was indescribably awesome. I got outside just as the sun was starting to come up...by the time I was home, I had seen the sunrise. How awesome! I really felt God's presence this morning in the cool, crisp, morning air. I think I ran longer and farther than I ever have since I started running again, and it felt so amazing. I even changed up my playlist. Instead of listening to the "gym jams" list, I listened to my Christian rock list. Just a presence this morning that I have not felt in a long time. I also felt more awake this morning than I normally do (which is the not-sure-your-clothes-match-today kind of half asleep). The day at work went faster, and I was more energized and mentally calm. And trust me, with elementary kids you NEED some calm! (especially the kindergartners! yikes!) I am definitely going to do this more. And now, having worked out this morning, my evening is free to get other things done. Maybe I can make some mornings running ones and others gym mornings (my gym is open 24 hours). Although I've thought about splitting my workouts...running in the morning, lifting/toning in the evening. We'll see how it goes.
Something else new that I've found is a wonderful website called my daily plate (http://www.livestrong.com/myplate/) . It is part of Lance Armstrong's Livestrong foundation and has a daily food and exercise tracker. I started tracking what I was eating, first without making any changes, and was floored by what I was really eating! This site not only tracks calories, but also fat, protein, sodium, sugar, and just about every other nutrient. I learned that my diet is a lot higher in sodium and sugar than I thought. I could do a little better with the fat content too. I'm holding myself accountable now, putting everything in and making sure, as I once heard in Weight Watchers, "if you bite it you write it!" The coolest thing about this site is that it is so user-friendly (aka: idiot-proof!). All you have to do is type in the name of the food and it pops up. It has every brand of, well, everything. Seriously, I went to Wal-mart and bought a pizza and it was in there, already all calculated out for me. And you can change the amount you ate in either serving sizes or other measurements. It is a super-cool tool, and it has made me really look at what is going into my body. I've had to face the food, and some of it ain't pretty!
I've realized that it's time to go back to basics, like tracking food. I've sat a bit dormant for a while, sort of watching what I'm doing but not really paying much attention. I'm glad that school has started because it puts me back in a routine. Summer is very unstructured and has never been a good time for me to lose weight. Now that I have structure again, there is no excuse. I've got 45 pounds left to reach my goal, and would love to be there by Christmas. With my new tools and ideas, there is no reason why I can't do it. Time to hit the restart button!
"If you think you can, you can. If you think you can't, you're right!" -Mary Kay Ash
Monday, August 30, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
TEMPTATION
It's everywhere, isn't it? On the TV, the radio, billboards, the checkout line at the store...all sorts of gimmicks saying "hey! lookie here! I'm yummy and delicious! Eat me! Eat me! EAT ME DAMNIT!!"
I went to Walmart today to pick up a few things for our camping trip this weekend. I wasn't hungry, but had to talk myself out of quite a few yummy treats (having mother nature visit doesn't help much either). Everything looked soooooo good! And boy, did I ever want to give in. I've been eating very healthy lately, trying to bust through the eternal plateau I was on. I did, but my weight loss has been very slow lately. So any bit of junk food slows me down to a halt. I don't want to hit another plateau and certainly don't want to gain, but my inner fat bitch is still dying to come out. Curse her.
The checkout line almost got me today. I was starting to get hungry, and I thought maybe I'd pick up something "not too junky" at the checkout line. I, unfortunately, have this wonderful curse that runs in my family we call "line jinx." Basically that means that whatever line I get in, it WILL be the longest line. Happens every time without fail. So of course hop on a somewhat shorter line, and the lady is taking forever. Great, more time for me to resist tempation. I eyed up the candy and chips and other yummy treats screaming at me for my attention. Candy? No, I need to watch my sugar. Chips? MAJOR trigger food. Beef jerky? Probably a healthier option, but $3.50 for a small bag?!? You've got to be kidding me! I finally settled on a bag of smoked almonds, figuring they would give me some protein and be healthier than the Cheetos that were calling my name. Seemed healthy enough, right? I stuck them in my cart for a minute or two, then out of curiousity decided to check the label to see just exactly what was about to put in my body. 250 calories, eh I can live with that. 22 GRAMS OF FAT!?!?!? Whoa buddy!!! I put those almonds back faster than a baby spits up bad milk. I didn't even look at the rest of the label. I was shocked that the "healthy" option was indeed not so healthy. I decided I could wait 15 minutes until I got home and would eat the leftover salad in my fridge.
As I sit here eating my delicious, healthy salad, I'm thinking about all the times I've given into temptation and how it contributed to my weight gain. A candy bar here, a bag of chips there, and before you know it you're twice the person you used to be. Do those snacks in the checkout aisle offer any real satisfaction, not to mention nutrition? The answer my friends is a big fat NO. Did I want a snack because I needed it? Nope. I am perfectly satisfied with my salad. Besides, when you can only eat 1 cup of food at a time, you need to spend those calories wisely.
I think it's time to go back to the days when I planned out my daily meals. Do we need to eat snacks? Probably. I always find myself needing something in the late afternoon hours. But if I plan a healthy snack, like a protein bar or an apple I'm less likely to go raid the vending machine. Plus, planning out my meals gives me room to allow myself treats. It is perfectly OK to have a cookie now and then, but the key is to plan it and do it in moderation. I don't believe in depriving yourself of anything, but allowing yourself small treats now and then helps to resist the temptation around us. And baby, it's all over the place!
"Don't let the world trick you into thinking you need what its got to be happy. Satisfaction comes from something the world cannot provide." -Unknown
I went to Walmart today to pick up a few things for our camping trip this weekend. I wasn't hungry, but had to talk myself out of quite a few yummy treats (having mother nature visit doesn't help much either). Everything looked soooooo good! And boy, did I ever want to give in. I've been eating very healthy lately, trying to bust through the eternal plateau I was on. I did, but my weight loss has been very slow lately. So any bit of junk food slows me down to a halt. I don't want to hit another plateau and certainly don't want to gain, but my inner fat bitch is still dying to come out. Curse her.
The checkout line almost got me today. I was starting to get hungry, and I thought maybe I'd pick up something "not too junky" at the checkout line. I, unfortunately, have this wonderful curse that runs in my family we call "line jinx." Basically that means that whatever line I get in, it WILL be the longest line. Happens every time without fail. So of course hop on a somewhat shorter line, and the lady is taking forever. Great, more time for me to resist tempation. I eyed up the candy and chips and other yummy treats screaming at me for my attention. Candy? No, I need to watch my sugar. Chips? MAJOR trigger food. Beef jerky? Probably a healthier option, but $3.50 for a small bag?!? You've got to be kidding me! I finally settled on a bag of smoked almonds, figuring they would give me some protein and be healthier than the Cheetos that were calling my name. Seemed healthy enough, right? I stuck them in my cart for a minute or two, then out of curiousity decided to check the label to see just exactly what was about to put in my body. 250 calories, eh I can live with that. 22 GRAMS OF FAT!?!?!? Whoa buddy!!! I put those almonds back faster than a baby spits up bad milk. I didn't even look at the rest of the label. I was shocked that the "healthy" option was indeed not so healthy. I decided I could wait 15 minutes until I got home and would eat the leftover salad in my fridge.
As I sit here eating my delicious, healthy salad, I'm thinking about all the times I've given into temptation and how it contributed to my weight gain. A candy bar here, a bag of chips there, and before you know it you're twice the person you used to be. Do those snacks in the checkout aisle offer any real satisfaction, not to mention nutrition? The answer my friends is a big fat NO. Did I want a snack because I needed it? Nope. I am perfectly satisfied with my salad. Besides, when you can only eat 1 cup of food at a time, you need to spend those calories wisely.
I think it's time to go back to the days when I planned out my daily meals. Do we need to eat snacks? Probably. I always find myself needing something in the late afternoon hours. But if I plan a healthy snack, like a protein bar or an apple I'm less likely to go raid the vending machine. Plus, planning out my meals gives me room to allow myself treats. It is perfectly OK to have a cookie now and then, but the key is to plan it and do it in moderation. I don't believe in depriving yourself of anything, but allowing yourself small treats now and then helps to resist the temptation around us. And baby, it's all over the place!
"Don't let the world trick you into thinking you need what its got to be happy. Satisfaction comes from something the world cannot provide." -Unknown
Monday, August 9, 2010
It's My Bandiversary! :)
Over the weekend I celebrated the anniversary of my Lap Band surgery. We in the Lap Band world call that a "Bandiversary." ;) But to me, it is so much more than just a surgery date. It was the beginning of a new life, I almost consider it a new birthday. Before August 7, 2009, I was as good as dead. I wasn't living life, although I tried to convince myself I was. I was just going through the motions which was quite painful in itself. So this morning I began to think about the past year and how much I have changed. Sure, I've lost a lot of weight, but I've gained so much more.
A year ago today...
- I couldn't walk up one flight of stairs without being out of breath.
- I couldn't run. At all.
- My brain was cloudy and I sometimes found it hard to think about every day things.
- I couldn't fit in a restaurant booth without some slick maneuvering (and some of them I couldn't fit in at all).
- I was wearing size 28W clothing...my largest size ever (about a year before surgery) was a 32W.
- Shopping in regular stores was out of the question. My choices were Lane Bryant, Fashion Bug, or Catherine's. If I was lucky, I might find something in the plus size section of Walmart or Target.
- I had trouble finding shoes because my foot was so fat. Not only was it wide, but my instep was huge, making it incredibly difficult to find shoes. I mostly wore crocks.
- I wore a size 10 ring.
- Shorts and skirts were completely out of the question.
- The thought of going to an amusement park terrified me for two reasons: I couldn't fit in any of the rides, and walking around all day was almost impossible.
- I couldn't keep up with friends walking around a shopping mall.
- Movie theaters made me uncomfortable because, depending on the size of the seats, I wasn't sure I would fit...and even if I did I spilled over and took up both arm rests.
- I used almost the entire length of the seat belt in the car. My seat was positioned all the way back. This was because my rump was so large it pushed me forward on the seat.
- I had discoloration on parts of my skin that rubbed together, and horrible feet.
- I was on medication for a pre-diabetic condition called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.
- I had frequent headaches.
- I was tired all the time.
- I had Sleep Apnea and had to use a CPAP (breathing) machine at night.
- Men didn't even give me a second glance. If they did, they were probably making fun of me. The thought of being in a relationship terrified me.
A Year Later...
- I walk up and down stairs with ease. Sometimes when I'm carrying stuff, I think about how much the stuff weighs and how I was carrying all that extra weight up and down the stairs all the time. No wonder I couldn't breathe!
- I can run about 2 minutes at a time. Not great, but it's a start. I'm working toward running a 5K in December and darn it, I'm gonna do it!
- I exercise regularly and I LOVE it!
- I think much more clearly and am not as forgetful.
- I prefer booths at restaurants.
- I can shop in regular stores and I don't have to go to the plus size section!!!! :) Old Navy is my favorite store. I could go into Lane Bryant if I wanted to, but after all those years when I HAD to shop there, why the heck would I want to now?
- I am currently wearing a size 18, or an XL. Getting very close to a 16!
- Shoes? Not a problem. I don't wear wide widths anymore in most styles. I look for cute heels and recently bought my first pair of women's running shoes (I used to just buy men's because they are made wider). Now if we could only do something about the length of my huge size 11 foot...
- I CURRENTLY WEAR A SIZE 7 RING! (bolded and in all caps to ensure my wonderful boyfriend doesn't miss this one. I love you honey!) :)
- I wear skirts all the time.
- I haven't been to an amusement park yet, but I can't wait to go! I can't wait to ride roller coasters again, walk around all day, and enjoy being a tourist instead of an employee. ;)
- My friends tell me I move faster. I'm not lagging behind and people don't have to wait up for me.
- Movie theaters are no problem.
- I've had to move my car seat up several times because my butt is getting smaller. Whoohoo! I've also noticed that I sit a bit lower in the car, as I've had to adjust my rearview mirror.
- My feet look a lot better and all my skin discoloration is gone.
- I am off my pre-diabetic meds.
- Symptoms of PCOS have started to decrease. It is a condition I will always have to live with, but it can lay dormant without symptoms. That is where I want to get to!
- Along with the PCOS symptoms waning, and this may be TMI, but my periods are lighter and more regular.
- I have a lot more energy, don't get headaches often, and sleep a lot better.
- I no longer use a CPAP machine.
- Men have told me I'm pretty, beautiful, attractive, even hot! And I'm not even to my goal yet!
- I have an amazing boyfriend who treats me incredibly well. He may even spoil me a little bit.
Also...
- I've lost 106 pounds since my surgery. That's about the size of my sister-in-law. I've lost a whole sister-in-law!
- From my highest weight, I've lost 138 pounds. Now that's easily a whole person! Wowsers!
What a difference a year makes! I have a whole new outlook on life. I LOVE LIFE!!! I used to yearn for days when I could sit on the couch and do nothing. I wanted to just lay around and sleep all the time, and wished that there was a way I didn't have to work. Now I get antsy and can't just sit around and do nothing. Even when I'm relaxing, I'm doing something. Crafting, crocheting, surfing the web...always something. My brain is sometimes in super mode. I love going out and doing things and really love being active. I want to run a 5k for crying out loud...WHAT?!? I must be crazy, but I love it! Family and friends have told me that my whole attitude has changed. Before I was miserable, short and nasty with people, and always angry. Now I am happy, I've learned that some things are out of my control and it takes a lot to get me angry (of course, that Polish temper will always be there thanks to genetics. haha). It has been a year of learning and growing (or shrinking as the case may be) and I am not the person I was a year ago. I don't even recognize her. The new me is so much better, and I am still learning about who I am. I am much more comfortable in my own skin (literally) and more confident. Life is FABULOUS! :)
"In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." -Abraham Lincoln
A year ago today...
- I couldn't walk up one flight of stairs without being out of breath.
- I couldn't run. At all.
- My brain was cloudy and I sometimes found it hard to think about every day things.
- I couldn't fit in a restaurant booth without some slick maneuvering (and some of them I couldn't fit in at all).
- I was wearing size 28W clothing...my largest size ever (about a year before surgery) was a 32W.
- Shopping in regular stores was out of the question. My choices were Lane Bryant, Fashion Bug, or Catherine's. If I was lucky, I might find something in the plus size section of Walmart or Target.
- I had trouble finding shoes because my foot was so fat. Not only was it wide, but my instep was huge, making it incredibly difficult to find shoes. I mostly wore crocks.
- I wore a size 10 ring.
- Shorts and skirts were completely out of the question.
- The thought of going to an amusement park terrified me for two reasons: I couldn't fit in any of the rides, and walking around all day was almost impossible.
- I couldn't keep up with friends walking around a shopping mall.
- Movie theaters made me uncomfortable because, depending on the size of the seats, I wasn't sure I would fit...and even if I did I spilled over and took up both arm rests.
- I used almost the entire length of the seat belt in the car. My seat was positioned all the way back. This was because my rump was so large it pushed me forward on the seat.
- I had discoloration on parts of my skin that rubbed together, and horrible feet.
- I was on medication for a pre-diabetic condition called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.
- I had frequent headaches.
- I was tired all the time.
- I had Sleep Apnea and had to use a CPAP (breathing) machine at night.
- Men didn't even give me a second glance. If they did, they were probably making fun of me. The thought of being in a relationship terrified me.
A Year Later...
- I walk up and down stairs with ease. Sometimes when I'm carrying stuff, I think about how much the stuff weighs and how I was carrying all that extra weight up and down the stairs all the time. No wonder I couldn't breathe!
- I can run about 2 minutes at a time. Not great, but it's a start. I'm working toward running a 5K in December and darn it, I'm gonna do it!
- I exercise regularly and I LOVE it!
- I think much more clearly and am not as forgetful.
- I prefer booths at restaurants.
- I can shop in regular stores and I don't have to go to the plus size section!!!! :) Old Navy is my favorite store. I could go into Lane Bryant if I wanted to, but after all those years when I HAD to shop there, why the heck would I want to now?
- I am currently wearing a size 18, or an XL. Getting very close to a 16!
- Shoes? Not a problem. I don't wear wide widths anymore in most styles. I look for cute heels and recently bought my first pair of women's running shoes (I used to just buy men's because they are made wider). Now if we could only do something about the length of my huge size 11 foot...
- I CURRENTLY WEAR A SIZE 7 RING! (bolded and in all caps to ensure my wonderful boyfriend doesn't miss this one. I love you honey!) :)
- I wear skirts all the time.
- I haven't been to an amusement park yet, but I can't wait to go! I can't wait to ride roller coasters again, walk around all day, and enjoy being a tourist instead of an employee. ;)
- My friends tell me I move faster. I'm not lagging behind and people don't have to wait up for me.
- Movie theaters are no problem.
- I've had to move my car seat up several times because my butt is getting smaller. Whoohoo! I've also noticed that I sit a bit lower in the car, as I've had to adjust my rearview mirror.
- My feet look a lot better and all my skin discoloration is gone.
- I am off my pre-diabetic meds.
- Symptoms of PCOS have started to decrease. It is a condition I will always have to live with, but it can lay dormant without symptoms. That is where I want to get to!
- Along with the PCOS symptoms waning, and this may be TMI, but my periods are lighter and more regular.
- I have a lot more energy, don't get headaches often, and sleep a lot better.
- I no longer use a CPAP machine.
- Men have told me I'm pretty, beautiful, attractive, even hot! And I'm not even to my goal yet!
- I have an amazing boyfriend who treats me incredibly well. He may even spoil me a little bit.
Also...
- I've lost 106 pounds since my surgery. That's about the size of my sister-in-law. I've lost a whole sister-in-law!
- From my highest weight, I've lost 138 pounds. Now that's easily a whole person! Wowsers!
What a difference a year makes! I have a whole new outlook on life. I LOVE LIFE!!! I used to yearn for days when I could sit on the couch and do nothing. I wanted to just lay around and sleep all the time, and wished that there was a way I didn't have to work. Now I get antsy and can't just sit around and do nothing. Even when I'm relaxing, I'm doing something. Crafting, crocheting, surfing the web...always something. My brain is sometimes in super mode. I love going out and doing things and really love being active. I want to run a 5k for crying out loud...WHAT?!? I must be crazy, but I love it! Family and friends have told me that my whole attitude has changed. Before I was miserable, short and nasty with people, and always angry. Now I am happy, I've learned that some things are out of my control and it takes a lot to get me angry (of course, that Polish temper will always be there thanks to genetics. haha). It has been a year of learning and growing (or shrinking as the case may be) and I am not the person I was a year ago. I don't even recognize her. The new me is so much better, and I am still learning about who I am. I am much more comfortable in my own skin (literally) and more confident. Life is FABULOUS! :)
"In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." -Abraham Lincoln
Friday, August 6, 2010
So how does this band thing work anyway?
I've had a lot of people ask me how the Lap Band actually works. It's really pretty cool, and I'll try to explain it the best I can. In Gastric Bypass surgery, the upper portion of the stomach is cut away from the rest of the stomach and attached to the small instestine, creating a small pouch that can only hold about 2-3 ounces of food. The rest of the stomach is left, but is not used. This is a malabsorption procedure (ie: not all the nutrients you eat get absorbed into the body) and can cause some hefty complications and it is irreversible. For some people, this is the right surgery. For me, it was not.
Now, imagine that same spot where the surgeon would cut the stomach in a Gastric Bypass, and this is where the Lap Band is placed. It's a small plastic ring with a silicone balloon on the inside of the ring. The surgeon attaches this with several stitches. This creates a small pouch, much like the G.P. pouch. A thin tub is attached to this band, which has a silicone port at the end of it that is attached underneath the skin to the stomach muscles. Different surgeons put the port in different places...mine is slightly above my belly button to my right. I can't feel it or see it, although I have heard from other Lap Banders that as the fat goes away some people can feel the port underneath the skin. I guess I still have too much belly fat. ;)
Every couple months or so, we Lap Banders go for what is called a "fill." This is where the band is tightened. Yes, it is adjustable! Very cool stuff. How do they do that you say? Well, remember the "port?" The doc takes a syringe full of saline and a giant needle (seriously, the thing is HUGE) and injects it into the port, and then it goes up the tiny tube and into the band. The more saline in the band, the tighter it is. It can be a bit of trial and error, as more saline gets injected sometimes you overshoot and are what we call "too tight." Easy fix, the doc takes out a little bit and it's all good. We Lap Banders aim for what we call the "sweet spot" where your band is tight enough to restrict food, but not too tight that you can't eat anything. The tighter the band, the smaller the hole between the upper stomach and lower stomach and the less I can eat. To explain: When I eat, all my food gets digested in the upper pouch. When that pouch is full, it sends a signal to my brain that says "I'm full, stop eating you idiot!" The tighter the band, the smaller the hole and the longer food stays in the upper pouch. After digestion the food goes through the tiny hole where my band is (actually called the "stoma") and digestion process continues as it normally would. Neat, eh?
Now, of course with any surgical implant there can be problems. The biggest problem a Lap Bander experiences is being "stuck." This is when food gets stuck in the stoma (the tiny hole where the band is) and boy lemme tell ya, it HURTS LIKE A MOTHER!!! Most of the time when I get stuck, it's because I haven't chewed enough. I have to chew each bite 20-30 times to break the food down enough for it to be able to pass through the stoma without problems. Me being the ADHD multi-tasking babbling freak that I am, this happens more than I like. But the good thing is, when I get stuck it means my band is working and is a nice reminder I need to pay more attention when I eat. Sometimes certain foods get stuck easily. I pretty much can't eat regular bread anymore (unless it's toasted). It swells up, balls up, and gets all doughy which doesn't go down well. Some people have trouble with pasta or rice, certain tough meats like steak...everyone is different. No two Lap Banders are alike, because no two people are alike! (Imagine that!). Sometimes it's just the wrong combination of foods, or drinking too much liquid while eating (banders aren't supposed to drink at all while eating, but we are all famous for cheating on that rule), or sometimes my band just decides it wants to be extra tight that day (stress, "that time of the month," the weather changes, whatever. Bands are finicky like that). I sometimes call my Lap Band "Bandiva" because she just wants to do what she wants to do and that's that (typical woman! haha.) And when I get stuck, sometimes it works its way through, and sometimes it comes back up. I certainly don't prefer option #2, but sometimes it's the best way to get relief. I usually don't have a choice though, Bandiva does what she wants. ;)
So, with all that I still have to watch what I eat (I have to eat A LOT of protein), and take vitamins and supplements because I can only eat about 1 cup of food at a time. Protein shakes and/or bars are almost a daily occurrence, and I've found some pretty tasty ones and great shake recipes. Sometimes I can only eat a few bites, sometimes I can eat more than a cup. Depends on the day. The point is, I've learned to listen to my body. When I'm satisfied...not full, but satisfied...I stop eating (most days. I'm not perfect!). I've learned that there is a huge difference between satisfied and full. I used to eat until I was full...beyond full actually. Now, when my body has had sufficient food, it's enough. I can't even remember the last time I was Thanksgiving-stuff-yourself-silly full. And you know what? I bet I would feel absolutely AWFUL if I ever did.
I remember my first Thanksgiving after surgery, and watching everyone just pile huge mounds of food on their plates over and over again. I felt sick thinking about eating that much. How did all that food ever fit in my stomach? I had a little more than I normally would, maybe about 1 1/2 cups of food, and I was more than satisfied but I wasn't super full. It was the first big holiday family meal that I didn't stuff myself until it hurt, and you know what? It felt DAMN GOOD. I didn't slip into a turkey coma after dinner and didn't take the traditional Thanksgiving afternoon nap, and was able to enjoy the rest of my day. I actually went shopping that evening!
So I hope I explained this Lap Band thing well enough for you all to understand. If you want more info, here is the link to the clinic I go to: http://www.wgtlossclinic.com/. They are an amazing group of doctors, and have really taken care of me. It is a lifelong journey, the Lap Band will always be there and I will always have to eat a little differently then everyone else. But you know what? I'm ok with that. This was my way to a healthy life, and I am eternally grateful for it. :)
"There are only two ways to live your life: One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is." -Albert Einstein
Now, imagine that same spot where the surgeon would cut the stomach in a Gastric Bypass, and this is where the Lap Band is placed. It's a small plastic ring with a silicone balloon on the inside of the ring. The surgeon attaches this with several stitches. This creates a small pouch, much like the G.P. pouch. A thin tub is attached to this band, which has a silicone port at the end of it that is attached underneath the skin to the stomach muscles. Different surgeons put the port in different places...mine is slightly above my belly button to my right. I can't feel it or see it, although I have heard from other Lap Banders that as the fat goes away some people can feel the port underneath the skin. I guess I still have too much belly fat. ;)
Every couple months or so, we Lap Banders go for what is called a "fill." This is where the band is tightened. Yes, it is adjustable! Very cool stuff. How do they do that you say? Well, remember the "port?" The doc takes a syringe full of saline and a giant needle (seriously, the thing is HUGE) and injects it into the port, and then it goes up the tiny tube and into the band. The more saline in the band, the tighter it is. It can be a bit of trial and error, as more saline gets injected sometimes you overshoot and are what we call "too tight." Easy fix, the doc takes out a little bit and it's all good. We Lap Banders aim for what we call the "sweet spot" where your band is tight enough to restrict food, but not too tight that you can't eat anything. The tighter the band, the smaller the hole between the upper stomach and lower stomach and the less I can eat. To explain: When I eat, all my food gets digested in the upper pouch. When that pouch is full, it sends a signal to my brain that says "I'm full, stop eating you idiot!" The tighter the band, the smaller the hole and the longer food stays in the upper pouch. After digestion the food goes through the tiny hole where my band is (actually called the "stoma") and digestion process continues as it normally would. Neat, eh?
Now, of course with any surgical implant there can be problems. The biggest problem a Lap Bander experiences is being "stuck." This is when food gets stuck in the stoma (the tiny hole where the band is) and boy lemme tell ya, it HURTS LIKE A MOTHER!!! Most of the time when I get stuck, it's because I haven't chewed enough. I have to chew each bite 20-30 times to break the food down enough for it to be able to pass through the stoma without problems. Me being the ADHD multi-tasking babbling freak that I am, this happens more than I like. But the good thing is, when I get stuck it means my band is working and is a nice reminder I need to pay more attention when I eat. Sometimes certain foods get stuck easily. I pretty much can't eat regular bread anymore (unless it's toasted). It swells up, balls up, and gets all doughy which doesn't go down well. Some people have trouble with pasta or rice, certain tough meats like steak...everyone is different. No two Lap Banders are alike, because no two people are alike! (Imagine that!). Sometimes it's just the wrong combination of foods, or drinking too much liquid while eating (banders aren't supposed to drink at all while eating, but we are all famous for cheating on that rule), or sometimes my band just decides it wants to be extra tight that day (stress, "that time of the month," the weather changes, whatever. Bands are finicky like that). I sometimes call my Lap Band "Bandiva" because she just wants to do what she wants to do and that's that (typical woman! haha.) And when I get stuck, sometimes it works its way through, and sometimes it comes back up. I certainly don't prefer option #2, but sometimes it's the best way to get relief. I usually don't have a choice though, Bandiva does what she wants. ;)
So, with all that I still have to watch what I eat (I have to eat A LOT of protein), and take vitamins and supplements because I can only eat about 1 cup of food at a time. Protein shakes and/or bars are almost a daily occurrence, and I've found some pretty tasty ones and great shake recipes. Sometimes I can only eat a few bites, sometimes I can eat more than a cup. Depends on the day. The point is, I've learned to listen to my body. When I'm satisfied...not full, but satisfied...I stop eating (most days. I'm not perfect!). I've learned that there is a huge difference between satisfied and full. I used to eat until I was full...beyond full actually. Now, when my body has had sufficient food, it's enough. I can't even remember the last time I was Thanksgiving-stuff-yourself-silly full. And you know what? I bet I would feel absolutely AWFUL if I ever did.
I remember my first Thanksgiving after surgery, and watching everyone just pile huge mounds of food on their plates over and over again. I felt sick thinking about eating that much. How did all that food ever fit in my stomach? I had a little more than I normally would, maybe about 1 1/2 cups of food, and I was more than satisfied but I wasn't super full. It was the first big holiday family meal that I didn't stuff myself until it hurt, and you know what? It felt DAMN GOOD. I didn't slip into a turkey coma after dinner and didn't take the traditional Thanksgiving afternoon nap, and was able to enjoy the rest of my day. I actually went shopping that evening!
So I hope I explained this Lap Band thing well enough for you all to understand. If you want more info, here is the link to the clinic I go to: http://www.wgtlossclinic.com/. They are an amazing group of doctors, and have really taken care of me. It is a lifelong journey, the Lap Band will always be there and I will always have to eat a little differently then everyone else. But you know what? I'm ok with that. This was my way to a healthy life, and I am eternally grateful for it. :)
"There are only two ways to live your life: One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is." -Albert Einstein
Friday, July 30, 2010
Why I Chose Weight Loss Surgery
Why don't you just eat less? If I had a nickel for every time I heard someone say this to me, I'd be a filthy rich woman. Eating less should be easy right? Pair that with more exercise and you have the magic formula for weight loss! So why did I need surgery to do that?
I wish it were just a simple formula for me. Believe me, I would much rather have been able to lose weight without surgery. But when you are a compulsive overeater/food addict, that is near impossible. Compulsive Overeating/Food Addiction is real people. It is a real eating disorder that gets no attention, and people even deny it even exists. I have had doctors tell me it doesn't exist, I just need more willpower. They're wrong. There is so much attention given to other eating disorders (anorexia, bulemia) that no one even knows about food addiction. I am not knocking other eating disorders, because they are just as real and just as serious and people who suffer from them need medical and psychological help. Compulsive overeating/food addiction is a lot like anorexia, but just the opposite. While anorexics starve themselves to death, food addicts eat themselves to death. It's much like being an alcoholic, except you can't give up food completely. Imagine an alcoholic being told they need to break their addiction...but you still have to drink 3 beers a day to stay alive. That's what it's like being a food addict.
Before surgery, I was always hungry...or at least I thought I was. Head hunger is deadly. Emotional eating is a large part of food addiction. I ate because I was bored, because I was sad, because I was happy, because someone invited me to dinner...if food was there, it found a way to my mouth. I would eat until I hurt, and then some. I was completely OUT OF CONTROL. I was always on a diet, but I kept gaining weight. I tried everything. If there was a diet out there, I spent money on it and tried it. The problem was, I wasn't dealing with my addiction. Diets worked for a few weeks, and then I would lose control and gain everything back and then some. In the back of my mind, I was beginning to think about weight loss surgery. I researched the different types, but never seriously thought about it. I didn't want to be "one of those people" who needed surgery to lose weight. Other people had done it without surgery, so why couldn't I?
On December 24, 2008 I made I life-changing decision. I had had an enjoyable Christmas Eve filled with family, friends, and FOOD. Lots and lots of FOOD. I remember eating so much that day I felt sick. I was full all day, but I couldn't stop eating. I went to bed feeling awful and very disappointed that I couldn't control my eating. I cried myself to sleep that night, and somewhere in the midst of my tears I made the decision to have Lap Band surgery. I had done enough research to know that was the right surgery for me, and I knew that I was so out of control that only something drastic would break this viscious cycle. I had to take back control of my life. If I didn't do something soon, I would end up one of those people who needed a scooter because they are so heavy they can't walk anymore. I didn't want to end up like that. I wanted to have a full life, get married, have kids, and not have to shop at the fat lady stores. I was headed in the exact opposite direction, and FAST.
The road leading up to surgery was a long one, filled with more doctor visits than I ever want to have in a single year ever again. I told my doctor's office I should have a preferred customer card or something. I had to go through a lot of testing and had a lot of needles stuck in me (which is quite painful for a morbidly obese person who is hard to stick!). I was on an emotional rollercoaster. From week to week I would change my mind about surgery. Even the day before surgery, I was still going back and forth. Should I really do this? Why don't I give it one more try on my own? Then reality sunk in. If I was going to lose weight without the aid of surgery, I would have done it by now. I needed this. I was going to be "one of those people" who needed surgery to lose weight. So ok, let's go do this!
I laugh at people who say weight loss surgery is the easy way out. I went through major surgery, with recovery time. I didn't eat solid food for a month! Still, almost a year later, there are foods I can't eat and probably never will. If I forget to chew my food extremely well, it is incredibly painful. It is not a cure-all, or an easy fix. I still have nutritional guidelines to follow. If I eat foods high in fat, sugar, or carbs, I will gain weight. I have a whole new way of living now, and if I had to go back I would do it all over again. Because of my surgery, I cannot physically eat nearly as much as I could before. It has forced me to deal with my addiction and emotional eating. I've had to find other ways to cope, and things to do in place of eating. I've been able to take a good look at myself and begin the healing process of compulsive overeating/food addiction. I will always have to deal with my addiction, just like an alcoholic or drug addict does. I still have days where that voice in my head is telling me I'm hungry when I'm not, and some of those days I give in and make bad food choices. The healing process takes an entire lifetime, but I have gotten to a place where I WANT to heal. I crave healthy foods and love to exercise. I've started running again. Me! Running! Is this all just because I have a little band around my stomach? No, but it was the beginning of the healing process. I honestly believe that if I hadn't had surgery a year ago, I would still be 136 pounds heavier and would be writing this blog with one hand in a bag of potato chips.
Weight loss surgery is not for everyone. It is not an easy fix. It is for people who have exhausted all other options. People like me who are out of control and need something drastic to take back their life. If this is you, then I would say to you yes, consider having weight loss surgery and I am happy to talk to anyone about it. The point is, you do what you need to do to live a healthy life. Most people will not need something as drastic as surgery to lose weight, and I envy those people. I needed surgery, and I am not ashamed. I don't regret it, and I would do it all over again. So I say to you, BE HEALTHY! Life as a healthy person (or a person on her way to being healthy) is sooooo much better! :)
"You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time." -Abraham Lincoln
I wish it were just a simple formula for me. Believe me, I would much rather have been able to lose weight without surgery. But when you are a compulsive overeater/food addict, that is near impossible. Compulsive Overeating/Food Addiction is real people. It is a real eating disorder that gets no attention, and people even deny it even exists. I have had doctors tell me it doesn't exist, I just need more willpower. They're wrong. There is so much attention given to other eating disorders (anorexia, bulemia) that no one even knows about food addiction. I am not knocking other eating disorders, because they are just as real and just as serious and people who suffer from them need medical and psychological help. Compulsive overeating/food addiction is a lot like anorexia, but just the opposite. While anorexics starve themselves to death, food addicts eat themselves to death. It's much like being an alcoholic, except you can't give up food completely. Imagine an alcoholic being told they need to break their addiction...but you still have to drink 3 beers a day to stay alive. That's what it's like being a food addict.
Before surgery, I was always hungry...or at least I thought I was. Head hunger is deadly. Emotional eating is a large part of food addiction. I ate because I was bored, because I was sad, because I was happy, because someone invited me to dinner...if food was there, it found a way to my mouth. I would eat until I hurt, and then some. I was completely OUT OF CONTROL. I was always on a diet, but I kept gaining weight. I tried everything. If there was a diet out there, I spent money on it and tried it. The problem was, I wasn't dealing with my addiction. Diets worked for a few weeks, and then I would lose control and gain everything back and then some. In the back of my mind, I was beginning to think about weight loss surgery. I researched the different types, but never seriously thought about it. I didn't want to be "one of those people" who needed surgery to lose weight. Other people had done it without surgery, so why couldn't I?
On December 24, 2008 I made I life-changing decision. I had had an enjoyable Christmas Eve filled with family, friends, and FOOD. Lots and lots of FOOD. I remember eating so much that day I felt sick. I was full all day, but I couldn't stop eating. I went to bed feeling awful and very disappointed that I couldn't control my eating. I cried myself to sleep that night, and somewhere in the midst of my tears I made the decision to have Lap Band surgery. I had done enough research to know that was the right surgery for me, and I knew that I was so out of control that only something drastic would break this viscious cycle. I had to take back control of my life. If I didn't do something soon, I would end up one of those people who needed a scooter because they are so heavy they can't walk anymore. I didn't want to end up like that. I wanted to have a full life, get married, have kids, and not have to shop at the fat lady stores. I was headed in the exact opposite direction, and FAST.
The road leading up to surgery was a long one, filled with more doctor visits than I ever want to have in a single year ever again. I told my doctor's office I should have a preferred customer card or something. I had to go through a lot of testing and had a lot of needles stuck in me (which is quite painful for a morbidly obese person who is hard to stick!). I was on an emotional rollercoaster. From week to week I would change my mind about surgery. Even the day before surgery, I was still going back and forth. Should I really do this? Why don't I give it one more try on my own? Then reality sunk in. If I was going to lose weight without the aid of surgery, I would have done it by now. I needed this. I was going to be "one of those people" who needed surgery to lose weight. So ok, let's go do this!
I laugh at people who say weight loss surgery is the easy way out. I went through major surgery, with recovery time. I didn't eat solid food for a month! Still, almost a year later, there are foods I can't eat and probably never will. If I forget to chew my food extremely well, it is incredibly painful. It is not a cure-all, or an easy fix. I still have nutritional guidelines to follow. If I eat foods high in fat, sugar, or carbs, I will gain weight. I have a whole new way of living now, and if I had to go back I would do it all over again. Because of my surgery, I cannot physically eat nearly as much as I could before. It has forced me to deal with my addiction and emotional eating. I've had to find other ways to cope, and things to do in place of eating. I've been able to take a good look at myself and begin the healing process of compulsive overeating/food addiction. I will always have to deal with my addiction, just like an alcoholic or drug addict does. I still have days where that voice in my head is telling me I'm hungry when I'm not, and some of those days I give in and make bad food choices. The healing process takes an entire lifetime, but I have gotten to a place where I WANT to heal. I crave healthy foods and love to exercise. I've started running again. Me! Running! Is this all just because I have a little band around my stomach? No, but it was the beginning of the healing process. I honestly believe that if I hadn't had surgery a year ago, I would still be 136 pounds heavier and would be writing this blog with one hand in a bag of potato chips.
Weight loss surgery is not for everyone. It is not an easy fix. It is for people who have exhausted all other options. People like me who are out of control and need something drastic to take back their life. If this is you, then I would say to you yes, consider having weight loss surgery and I am happy to talk to anyone about it. The point is, you do what you need to do to live a healthy life. Most people will not need something as drastic as surgery to lose weight, and I envy those people. I needed surgery, and I am not ashamed. I don't regret it, and I would do it all over again. So I say to you, BE HEALTHY! Life as a healthy person (or a person on her way to being healthy) is sooooo much better! :)
"You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time." -Abraham Lincoln
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Here Goes Nothing...
I've wanted to do this for a long time; write everything down. Ironically, it has been the motivation from reading a college friend's weight loss blog that has finally inspired me to start my own. I need to tell my story. I need for people to know what I've been through, where I started, where I've been, and where I'm going. My hope is that maybe, just maybe, one person will read my story and be changed somehow. I don't know how, but somehow. And if not, that's ok too. Maybe no one will read this at all. If that happens, at least I've written down my story and that gives me satisfaction.
So, where to begin. I've always been the fat girl. For as long as I can remember, I've had weight issues. Even as a pretty active child, I was always larger than the rest of the kids. But I was in shape. I took dance classes for 12 years (even taught for 2 of them!), played soccer, swam, at one point took gymnastics, and played in marching band (and if you even THINK of saying marching band is not a sport, go try it for a day and you'll change your mind.) I could run, but not very fast and I was usually the last one to round the corner on the last leg of the mile in gym class. I was always involved with more activities than I can possibly remember, and I had a lot of friends. Still though, I was made fun of a lot because I was fat. And what did that make me want to do? Eat more. So I did. I ate my emotions away, feeling sorry for myself and quite alone in a world where I pretended to be happy and full of life. The older I got, the more I ate. Sure, I had a couple medical issues that may have contributed to weight gain, but that was only a small fraction. On into adulthood, I just kept getting bigger and bigger until I couldn't take it anymore. There was a voice inside me just SCREAMING at me, "YOU'RE KILLING YOURSELF!!!" And I was. Food Addiction/Compulsive Overeating is a disease that kills, very similar to Alcoholism. But we'll cover that in another post. Finally, I had had enough.
On August 7, 2009 I had a life-changing surgery called Lap Band. It's similar to gastric bypass, but without all the re-arranging of your insides. I'll go into more detail later. The point is, it changed my life. I've been happier and healthier ever since, and even though I'm not completely to where I want to be yet, I'm a lot better off than I was before. Like I said at the beginning, it is time to tell my story. This journey has been full of ups and downs, victories and frustration, and a boatload of temptation. I have changed, and continue to change, through this journey. My outlook on life a few years ago was very grim. Now it is full of hope, energy, a sense of peace, a deeper relationship with God, and a newfound zest for living.
I am big on quotes, and I am going to include a quote for every blog. Here is the thought for today:
"So you know who you are, and you know what you want. I've been where you're going, and it's not that far. It's too far to walk, but you don't have to run. Get there in time." -Jars of Clay
So, where to begin. I've always been the fat girl. For as long as I can remember, I've had weight issues. Even as a pretty active child, I was always larger than the rest of the kids. But I was in shape. I took dance classes for 12 years (even taught for 2 of them!), played soccer, swam, at one point took gymnastics, and played in marching band (and if you even THINK of saying marching band is not a sport, go try it for a day and you'll change your mind.) I could run, but not very fast and I was usually the last one to round the corner on the last leg of the mile in gym class. I was always involved with more activities than I can possibly remember, and I had a lot of friends. Still though, I was made fun of a lot because I was fat. And what did that make me want to do? Eat more. So I did. I ate my emotions away, feeling sorry for myself and quite alone in a world where I pretended to be happy and full of life. The older I got, the more I ate. Sure, I had a couple medical issues that may have contributed to weight gain, but that was only a small fraction. On into adulthood, I just kept getting bigger and bigger until I couldn't take it anymore. There was a voice inside me just SCREAMING at me, "YOU'RE KILLING YOURSELF!!!" And I was. Food Addiction/Compulsive Overeating is a disease that kills, very similar to Alcoholism. But we'll cover that in another post. Finally, I had had enough.
On August 7, 2009 I had a life-changing surgery called Lap Band. It's similar to gastric bypass, but without all the re-arranging of your insides. I'll go into more detail later. The point is, it changed my life. I've been happier and healthier ever since, and even though I'm not completely to where I want to be yet, I'm a lot better off than I was before. Like I said at the beginning, it is time to tell my story. This journey has been full of ups and downs, victories and frustration, and a boatload of temptation. I have changed, and continue to change, through this journey. My outlook on life a few years ago was very grim. Now it is full of hope, energy, a sense of peace, a deeper relationship with God, and a newfound zest for living.
I am big on quotes, and I am going to include a quote for every blog. Here is the thought for today:
"So you know who you are, and you know what you want. I've been where you're going, and it's not that far. It's too far to walk, but you don't have to run. Get there in time." -Jars of Clay
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